Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Candlepinheads For Cash

Holy Shit, John, what are we going to do about this economic meltdown on Wall Street. We've got to come up with something, or it could doom our chances for the White House!

Relax Joe, I got this. I met a fella down in Miami, a Father Bruce, a member of Sarah's Church... did some work raising money for lepers. He's gonna help us get in touch with an influential member of the bank and finance industries to get some advice. Here he comes now. Father Bruce, shall we get started?

We shall...gentlemen, repeat the incantation after me.

"Bisquick and Key Biscayne,
Aunt Jemima Waffles,
and Barack Hussein,
Quail Shooting Cheating,
and Trollop Cunt Pie,
Please, Charles Keating,
Bring Rebozo to My Eye!"

A seance! Cowabunga!

Slowly, the cloud of diesel smoke emanating from the tailpipe of the Straight Talk Express organized itself, criminally, into the sooty visage of Bebe Rebozo.

Who dares disturb the slumber of Nixon's Number One Plumber?

Gentlemen, my work here is done. I will leave you with a blessing.

Sphinctotum Syphillip-66 Compendium...Ipso Asshole Q.E.D.

Oh Great and Powerful Rebozo, please grant 2 lowly Senators the benefit of your wisdom. The financial houses are crumbling, stock prices are plummeting, Wall Street is in serious trouble. What should we do?

Stock prices? You chuckleheads, back in the old days we didn't buy stocks, we stole them and sold them for cash. Cash is King, you morons. Didn't anybody ever teach you rookies how to launder money? You woke me up for this?

The "John McCain: Apocalypse Now Redux" T-Shirt can be purchased at The Zencomix Online Market.

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