Tuesday, January 04, 2011

The New Congress wants to welcome you.

My friend Fred and I have a New Year's tradition, offering up predictions for the new year. I've been predicting Fidel Castro's death for 20 years, and the tough old bird just won't die, so I'm leaving him off the list this year. So, here are my predictions for 2011.

1. Spambots become self aware and begin composing haikus.

2. Condi Rice plays the piano in Moscow for Vladimir Putin, and returns home with a Russian microchip under her skin.

3. George W. Bush vomits in public.

4. Rahm Emmanuel gets arrested for domestic violence 2 months after Opening Day at Wrigley field.

5. Joe Biden is videotaped saying the word "fuck" on the floor of the Senate.

6. John Travolta dies in a plane crash.

7. Hurricane Hilda destroys what's left of New Orleans on the anniversary of the nuclear bomb drop on Nagasaki.

8. Oprah decides to run for mayor of Chicago.

9. Michael Vick is kidnapped by PETA and held for a 15 million dollar ransom.

10. Orrin Hatch's secret gay lover is executed in Bryce Canyon after he threatens to go public, but the death is made to look like an accident.

BDR posted some videos of Chris Elliott's "Guy Under The Seats" routine from Letterman. I always liked Chris Elliott's Conspiracy Guy routine, partly because I'm somewhat of a conspiracy guy myself. For example, this Bird and fish kill was probably the military, field testing one of their new microwave or sonic weapons.

1 comment:

BDR said...


I don't think your theory about the birds is far-fetched (get it?) at all. Blunt trauma? In the air?