Thursday, April 28, 2011

Nobody Names Their Kids "Dagny" Anymore

In an effort to boost wilting ticket sales, movie theaters will begin adding soma to the popcorn salt when screening Atlas Shrugged. Also, too, Sensurround, Atomo-Vision, and Odorama to be added in select theaters.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Blog Against Theocracy

I've been outside playing in the mud for the last couple of months, and Blog Against Theocracy snuck up on me. I have no new cartoon for you, so you get this rerun (the original of this cartoon was given away free to one of the folks who bought The Last Of The Decal Liquors!)

I have some questions for the Christians who are trying to make the USA a Christian Theocracy.

Should you forsake all that you have?
Whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple. -- Luke 14:33

Should you hate your own life?
The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. John 12:25

Should you keep some of the commandments, give all your money to the poor, and follow Jesus?
And a certain ruler asked him, saying, Good Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life? ... Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Honour thy father and thy mother. And he said, All these have I kept from my youth up. ...thou one thing: sell all that thou hast, and distribute unto the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, follow me.-- Luke 18:18-22

Should you not get married, (Married people don't go to heaven)?
They which shall be accounted worthy to obtain that world, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry, nor are given in marriage. -- Luke 20:35

Should you cut off body parts?
For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. Matthew 19:12

so that you could be one of the 144,000 male virgins, who alone will make it to heaven (Rev.14:3-4).

Should you abandon your home and family for Jesus' name's sake?
And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life. -- Matthew 19:29, Mark 10:29-30, Luke 18:29-30

Should you hate your father, mother, wife, children, brothers, sisters, and your own life?
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children,and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. -- Luke 14:26

...or should you not hate your brother?
Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him. -- 1 John 3:15

Should you ask your parents to beat you with a rod?
Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. -- Proverbs 23:13-14

Should you turn fornicators you know (and yourself if you are a fornicator!) over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh so your spirit may be saved?
It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you ... deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus. -- 1 Corinthians 5:1-5

Should you become an Israeli citizen?
And so all Israel shall be saved: as it is written, There shall come out of Sion the Deliverer, and shall turn away ungodliness from Jacob. -- Romans 11:26

Are you doomed if you were circumcised?
Behold, I Paul say unto you, that if ye be circumcised, Christ shall profit you nothing ... ye are fallen from grace. -- Galatians 5:2-4

Should you Love your enemies, do good to them, and give them lots of money?
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. -- Luke 6:35, Matthew 5:44-45

Should you kill nonbelievers?
If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers; Namely, of the gods of the people which are round about you ... Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him: But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die. -- Deuteronomy 13:6-10

Leave your answers in the comments!