The Day 9-11 Bought The Farm

There's an Underground Comix story called "The Day JFK Bought The Farm" from 1982 (Gates of Eden #1) by Michael T. Gilbert. The comic is told from the point of view of a young teenager who is missing all his favorite shows on TV because every channel has coverage of the JFK assassination and funeral ("They even bumped Rawhide!"). It is a savage satire, simultaneously ripping on the budding "Grief Porn" of 24/7 TV coverage of tragedy and the growing influence of the Boob Tube in American culture.

Hey, how about this for commemorating 9-11? A National Moment of Silence!! (the two exclamation points are necessary in representing the Twin Towers on the eventual bumper sticker) on 9-11, and the moment lasts from 12:01 a.m. until 11:59 p.m. No? Too Austere?

Well, how about this? "The Commodification of Grief Porn" (came across that phrase in one of BDR's generous links) has only had its surface scratched. Let's make 9-11 a National Holiday, give the kids the day off from school. The Holiday will be celebrated like Halloween, The Day of The Dead, Christmas and Easter all rolled into one. People will dress up in costumes (this will give Rudy Giuliani an excuse to dress up like Marilyn Monroe in public), kids will go door to door. Instead of handing out candy, you'll be expected to hand out any unused prescription drugs. Kids will go to school the next day and swap their favorites. ("Hey Joey, I'll trade you some Zoloft for a couple of Viagras.") Somebody on Tumblr will make an animated GIF of Charlie Brown smoking "rocks" .

The week prior to 9-11 Day, in school and at home, children will erect replicas of the Twin Towers using old cereal boxes. Box Tops for Education will be replaced by Boxes for 9-11. Back to school shopping in August will see a spike in Tony the Tiger's bottom line. Underneath the Twin Towers, the 9-11 presents will placed. Some families will open one present on 9-11 Eve, others will wait until 9-11 Morning to open presents. Every TV Christmas Special will be retooled for 9-11. The Grinch Who Stole 9-11 will break box office records.

At the Mall, men will dress up in Dick Cheney costumes, and children will line up to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for 9-11. The stockings were hung by the Twin Towers with care in the hopes that St. Dick would soon be there to scare. The 9-11 Shopping Season will begin mid July, and all the 9-11 toys will be made in China.

Let's Roll!