Santorum and Delilah

An army of Philadelphians went up and demanded from 3000 men of Jersey to deliver them Santorum. With Santorum's consent, they tie him with two new ropes and are about to hand him over to the Philadelphians when he breaks free. Using the jawbone of Rush Limbaugh, he slays one thousand Philadelphians. At the conclusion of Judges Judy and Wapner, it is said that "Santorum led an Israel Lobby for twenty years in the days of the Philadelphians."

Later, Santorum goes to Philadelphia where he stays at a harlot's house. His enemies wait at the gate of the city to ambush him, but he rips the gate up and carries it to "the hill that is in front of The Liberty Bell."

He then falls in love with a woman, Delilah, at the Brooks Brothers store. The Philadelphians approach Delilah and induce her (with 1100 Gold Plated 9-11 comemmorative coins) to try to find the secret of Santorum's strength. Santorum, not wanting to reveal the secret, teases her, telling her that he will lose his strength should he be bound with fresh bowstrings. She does so while he sleeps, but when he wakes up he snaps the strings. She persists, and he tells her he can be bound with new ropes. She ties him up with new ropes while he sleeps, and he snaps them, too. She asks again, and he says he can be bound if his locks are woven together.She weaves them together, but he undoes them when he wakes. Eventually Santorum tells Delilah that he will lose his strength with the loss of his sweater vests.

UPDATE:



On Monday, January 2, the day before the Iowa Caucus, I wrote a post called Santorum and Delilah, ridiculing Santorum and his brand of Biblical Literalism with the bible story about Samson and Delilah. Today, Tengrain pointed me to this story about Rick Santorum's sweater vests. Annnnd the money shot...

He wore a sweater vest, he explained, to an event in Iowa in which he performed particularly well. That event, he said, was one of the events that turned around his campaign in the Hawkeye State, helping him come in just eight votes behind front-runner Mitt Romney.

People commented on his vest after the event, he said, and "it sort of took a life of its own ... and the vest gave me this power."

I want to see a Celebrity Death Match between Santorum's Sweater Vest and Mitt Romney's Magical Underwear.